Perturbation

     Why did the members of my writing group yesterday make me   angry?  Why am I stewing about it 24 hours later?  Conclusion: because they were monkeying with my characters.

     In the early writing and revising RockParty, a novel, the book was plot driven, not driven by the characters, whom, from a craft standpoint, were undeveloped.  During two years of intensive, intimate dialogue, that is, dialogue between me and the characters, each became a real person, and each insisted on being himself, not conforming to the perceptions of critiquers, especially those with strong opinions about what my character would say and how he would say it—opinions they formed by listening to and reading one small portion of one chapter of the work.

     The opinion-laden critiquers do not consider that, in addition to usurping the author's diligent efforts to craft character, theirs may be only one of different opinions of every member of the group.

     My writing skills have improved enough to say my novel is equally character and plot driven.  The presumptuousness of critiquers that they can, on a spur, define a character for me, or against the will of the character who exists and is alive, bothers me.  It bothers me when group members complain because they cannot deduce from a page, or a paragraph or a sentence, what I have so extensively developed pouring over manuscripts for great lengths of time, agonizing over decisions to integrate valid suggestions offered humbly by critique groups.  It bothers me and makes me want to withdraw. 

     Eventually, I calm down and remember how essential the critique  process is to  producing the best book I can possibly write.  Less apparent, but also realized, is that perturbation with the group is a driving force that keeps me going, keeps me revising and revising revisions, stokes my passion for producing quality that is uniquely mine—blended with quality that is universally accepted—a quality that satisfies me with the probability that it will satisfy the reader.

     These thoughts keep me from dropping out and help me tolerate frustration with feedback, even on a bad day.