So You Used to be a Baptist: Get Over It!

         I have had five articles published in the TFUMC Newsletter in the last six months. The Editor graciously offered me a monthly column called "Hinesight".  The one month in six that I missed had been scheduled to include an article I wrote about a former Baptist (raised a Baptist) needing to overcome some denominational baggage when he (me, of course) became a Methodist by marrying one.
         The article had the potential to offend some people if they took it seriously, namely Baptists and Catholics, even though it is the sharing of one man's (mine) journey, and was written somewhat tongue-in-cheek for entertainment value.
         After several watering down re-writes and vascillating decisions about whether or not to publish in the church Newsletter, the Editor finally made a firm decision that it would not be appropriate, and suggested that I put the article in a blog.  So here it is, for your enlightenment and entertainment.  I hope that you enjoy the read and that you are not offended.  But if you are, well, like theysay in Russia, "tough shitsky".

                                                

                                                   So You Used to Be a Baptist

by Bill Hines

         In conversations around the church, everyone, at one time or another, has heard someone utter the phrase, “I was raised a Baptist . . .”.  Most prominent are husbands who married Methodist women.  It is rare to find a couple in that situation who choose to settle in the Baptist Church.  There are also cases of women marrying into Methodism, although somewhat rare.  There are also other reasons for Baptists becoming Methodists, e.g., being drawn to our choirs or other programs or being urged by neighbors to visit our church. We even have three staff members who were Baptist before signing on.

       I fall into the ‘married a Methodist’ category.  But, regardless of what made the Baptist a Methodist, there are some central doctrinal differences that can be difficult for the Baptist to overcome.  My story exemplifies these hurdles, here enumerated:

1.     Pastors/ministers wear robes in worship;

2.     Candles burn on the altar during worship services;

3.     Baptism without immersion;

4.     Infant baptism;

5.     Prayers of Confession;

6.     Creeds;

7.     Laity assist with the Lord’s Supper;

8.     Use of the word “communion”.

9.     Bishops

There is also a difference in the way converts are received into the church, but that’s beyond the scope of this discussion.

         The nine items listed above have direct correlations to the Catholic faith.  To Baptists, when I was a youth, anything Catholic was bad.  Keywords that invoke a deeply embedded psychological rejection are equally present in Methodism and Catholicism: robes, candles, sprinkling, infant baptism, confession, creed, communion.  Brain-washing is too strong a term, but indoctrination against anything resembling Catholicism, was thorough and effective. 

       So when we Baptists suddenly become Methodists, we are laden with denominational baggage.  I can only speak for myself, but I will share parts of my journey to overcome my Baptist upbringing:

1.     So the preacher wears a robe.  So what?  Big deal!

2.     Two candles are innocuous, and symbolize Christ bringing light into the world and the church taking it out to the world. What’s wrong with that?

3.     The Baptism Service template found in the United Methodist Hymnal, states that baptism is an initiation into the body of Christ, the church. It is not magical, and no supernatural act occurs.  There is no expectation that the process somehow causes a paranormal transformation.  Makes sense to me.  I buy that.

4.     Infant baptism simply puts the responsibility for the Christian upbringing of the child squarely on the parents, guardians, or responsible adults. The child is still responsible for his own conversion declaration (with the assistance of some intense presentation of information to the ‘confirmation class’).

5.     How can you argue with the prayers of confession found in the Methodist Hymnal –prayed either collectively or individually?  We have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  We confess and we repent.  This one was easy for me.

6.     Creeds—as a child growing up, I had no idea what a creed was, only that my church said that creeds were evil and should be shunned.  I must admit, I can’t say that I agree with every point made in the Apostles’ and Nicene Creeds.  But they are ritual, liturgical statements, and as such, are good summaries of the facets of Christian beliefs.  I don’t have to memorize nor do I need to boycott them.  If recitation by the corporate body bothers my lingering religious upbringing, I just say to myself, “It doesn’t matter; it doesn’t matter,” etc.

7.     In the Baptist Church, only ordained ministers can administer elements of the Lord’s Supper (Heaven forbid that we should ever call it “communion”).  I had a hard time with this one.  Methodist pastors asked me to assist and I had to say, “no, not yet”.  Then, finally, one day, I—you might have guessed: I got over it!

8.     The term communion still bugs me, subconsciously.  It is so-o-o-o Catholic.   But there’s only one thing for me to do, though, unless I want to walk back across 4^th Street—that’s to “get over it”!  I’m sure that I will.

9.     Bishops are components of an episcopacy—oh Lord, there’s another one.

       I think this list encompasses all my borne Baptist hang-ups. Fellow former Baptists, have I omitted any?  Maybe we should form a support group for former Baptists—maybe a Sunday School class.  We could call it the “Get Over It Class”.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning quote

"Earth's crammed with Heaven,
And every common bush afire with God,
But only he who sees takes off his shoes . . ."
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The Real Creation Story

The Real Creation Story

I = Interviewer        G= God

I:  God, thank you.  You don’t do face-to-face interviews like you used to.

G:  Well, you know, you can’t always believe everything you read.

I:  Do you mean you didn’t have all the direct, in-person communication with man described in the Old Testament?

G: I admit . . ., it’s a small flaw in my design plan—man cannot resist the temptation to embellish.

I: Pardon me, but it seems that in answering my questions, you are not answering my questions.

G:  Good observation.  Unfortunately, that’s another one I passed on to mankind.

I:  Okay, . . . so I seem to be spinning my wheels here.  Let’s get on to the nuts and bolts of this interview: Did you really create everything in seven days?

G:  No, it was six days.  On the seventh day I rested.              

I:  Okay, then, maybe you could explain to me what a ‘day’ was back then, since a day here on earth is the time it takes for one revolution on earth’s axis.  There was no earth on the first ‘day’.

G:  A very astute observation, although we know you’re not the first to make it.

I:  Yeah, but I’m the first one who’s got to ask you about it.

G:  Okay, I will explain it, but it’s not as simple as you think.  I can’t throw out a simple answer to the question.  Oh, I could, but you wouldn’t understand.  I will have to answer you using the process called interpolation—a mathematical concept meaning that it is from the total that you derive the components, or parts.  So, I will have to describe the whole of creation and then break it into time segments, which you insist on calling ‘days’.

I:  You don’t call them days?  I thought you wrote the Bible. 

G:  Another one of them ‘you say’s.  There’s gonna be lots of ‘em. Okay—I’m tryin’ to quit sayin’ ‘okay’ so much, but it’s such an engrained habit.  I hate it that man picked that up from me, too.

Okay, here we go:

-On the first day I created light, and thereby, energy.

-On the second day I created the hydrogen atom, and thus matter.

-On the third day I created a way that the hydrogen atom could  

   be modified to produce what you call the ‘elements’ (found in

     your periodic chart).

-On the fourth day the plan I created, gravity, was a method to

     bring my creations together in a way that would form stars,

     planets, solar systems, galaxies, and thus the earth.

-On the fifth day I devised the system whereby the elements

     could combine to form molecules, and thus proteins and

     amino acids. 

-On the sixth day I created—and I consider this my masterpiece—a

     way for proteins, amino acids and energy to combine to form the magnificent concept of ‘life’ (my image, by the way).  This

     method was eventually discovered by man and labeled

     deoxyribonucleic acid.

I:  You’re saying on the sixth day you invented DNA?

G:  Yes, and with that, creation was completed.

I:  What about the seventh day, the day you rested?  Does it count in the days of creation?

G:  Oh yes, but my part on the seventh day was easy.  I just pulled the trigger—BANG.

I:  Let me make sure I understand this.  Your seven days of creation just involved design, and then you set it in motion to create itself?

G:  I’m not sure I appreciate your calling it ‘just’ design.  There’s been nothing else like it.

I:  So, on the seventh day, everything was put in motion.  Do you count the days after that as part of the creation story?

G:  Well, I would, but everything else that happened, happened by the end of the seventh day, while I rested.

I:  Oh, . . . I see. . . .  No, I don’t see.  Would you care to elaborate?

G:  Why, yes, it is part of the creation story—the real story.

Okay, here goes: On the first day . . . “

I:  Wait, Wait. You just said everything else happened by the end of the seventh day. Now, you’re starting over with another first day?  That doesn’t jive.

G:  ‘Jive.’  I love that word.  It so effectively communicates ambiguity.  ‘Kosher’ is another one.  Oh, what mankind did to my gift of language.  But that’s another story—back to the current story, creation—the real story.

I: Have at it.  I can’t wait.

G:  Okay, you have undoubtedly heard that there are two creation stories in the Book of Genesis.

I:  Yes?

G:  Well, the real creation story is that there were two seven-day periods.  It’s just that the second seven days are contained in the first seventh day, while I rested.

I:  That’s complicated.

G:  Yes it is, and it cannot be comprehended by the mind of man. Man might describe it in terms of advanced mathematics or physics, but it will never be comprehended by his mind.  It’s like the ‘Theories of Relativity’.  Einstein, himself, said the human mind could not comprehend the theories, only prove them through mathematics, but never comprehend.

I:  So, will I be able to keep up with you from this point?

G:  Yes, you’ll do just fine if you keep up with the conversation.  I told you that I could not throw out a simple answer that you would understand.  So, I said I would explain using the mathematical process of interpolation.  You may not be familiar with that process, but if you pay attention, you will understand what I am saying. 

I: A simple answer to what?  I’m lost.

G:  You don’t remember the question you asked me, . . . that I am in the process of answering?

I:  Well, uh, not exactly.

G:  Okay.  You asked me how long a day was back then.

I:  Oh yeah.  Yes I did.   Okay, I’m back with you now, proceed.

G: 

-On the first day, when I pulled the trigger, the hydrogen atoms were propelled in all directions from a single point (a spherical 360 degrees.  The number of ‘all directions’ is infinite—but we won’t go into that right now.

-On the second day, the hydrogen atoms, exposed to the effects of gravity, began to clump together, forming helium, lithium, beryllium, . . . and so on down the line through all the elements.

-On the third day, elements coalesced into galaxies which continued to expand in all directions, undetectably slowing down. For now, I will restrict my comments to earth, since that’s where your interests lie.

I:  You mean there are more earth-like creations elsewhere?

G:  Like I said, I will restrict my comments to earth.  Believe me, that’s all you can handle right now.

I:  Okay. 

G: 

-On the fourth day, the earth and other planets of your solar system were formed by the effect of gravity on the space-stuff floating around, and their orbits were established.  The original molten mass of elemental particles began to cool down and solidify.

-On the fifth day, water and oxygen became abundant in their present quantities.

-On the sixth day randomly occurring organic compounds combined, according to my plan and evolved into all living thing on the planet.

-On the seventh day, while I was resting, man developed language,  became conscious of himself, and evolved into the twenty-first century phenomenon who is now approaching the day when he will understand what it means to be made in my image.

I: (long hesitant pause) So, let me make sure I got this right.  It took the universe 13.4 billion years to develop to the point of having humans on earth.  Then, another one hundred thousand years to reach modern times and all our technological accomplishments?

G:  Yes, but also psychological, philosophical, spiritual and paranormal accomplishments.

I:  Paranormal?  What’s that?

G:  You call it paranormal.  Actually, it’s quite real, just not discovered.  A primary example is the concept of ‘parallel universes’.

I:  Okay, that’s over my head, so let’s talk about the duration of these second seven days.  They don’t seem to be the same length, in years.

G:  You are quite correct.  That’s where the interpolation comes in—we have to take the total time, 13.4 billion years, and divide it by seven.  But, and here’s where it gets complicated—remember, these seven days occurred within the first seventh day—so, hang on here, this is where it gets complicated,

. . . so, we have to take the 13.4 billion years divided by seven, and add six times that result to 13.4 billion, and, divide by thirteen (my first six days, plus the seven contained in the seventh.

I:  Huh?  I don’t understand.

G:  I didn’t expect you to, but we have reached an answer to your question.  In the Bible creation story, a day equaled:

     13.4 billion divided by 7 = 1.91428571 billion

     1.91428571 billion X 6 = 11.4857143 billion

     11.4857143 billion + 13.4 billion = 24.8857143 billion

     24.8857143 billion divided by 13 = 1.91428571 billion

I:  The length of a day in the Bible creation story is

    1.91428571 billion years?

G.  Yes.  That’s your answer.

I:  . . . But, do you have any idea how long a billion years is?

G:  You’re asking me???

I:  Well, just think, if light travels 186,000 miles per second, in 1.91428571 billion years it would travel:

1,914,285,710 miles/day X 60 seconds/minute X 60 minutes/hour X 24 hours/day = 165,394,285,344,000 miles in a day

G:  Miles are relative, my son.

I:  Then times 13 days = 2,150,125,709,472,000 miles!  What comes after trillion?  And after that?

G:  I don’t think you’re listening to me.

I:  Wow, that’s mind boggling!

G:  I should have known better.  It seems simple to me.  Maybe you should contemplate the limitations of your own ‘mind’.

Midvale Cove- filmed from entrance to my driveway.  The slope is handleable until it gets past Midvale Lane, then turns acutely upward